Safe spaces are a myth


Reader,

Lately I’ve been thinking of the idea of creating safe spaces especially for people who hold systemically marginalized identities. That was my aim as a facilitator… “creating a brave and safe space for all participants”, but that is impossible! Yes, impossible, I bet you knew that already.

I wish I could, but I cannot ensure your safety if we’re in a shared/communal space, so why should I offer that? I’m not trying to be pessimistic or jaded when I say this. But I know that sooner or later, someone, even with the best of intentions, could cause harm. And I do want to be prepared for that.

How do you prepare for and recover from harm in communal spaces?

By setting a container for your meetings.

By offering repair.

If you have provided relationship counseling, or are trained in systems, you know how it goes. Even in the most loving of relationships there is the potential of causing unintended harm. And here is where we learn to offer repair.

But I know life is more complex than relationship counseling. And offering repair in communal spaces means:

  • I need to be ready to hold space for all people involved.
  • I need to have in mind the identities of the individual who caused rupture and the identities of the individual who was harmed.

In other words, if you caused rupture and offer repair, don’t expect your offer to be accepted. And if you were harmed by rupture, I’ll do my best to hold space for you and your needs.

Want to add more complexity to this puzzle?

Have in mind your identities, were your privileged identities harmed, or were your marginalized identities harmed? or both??

What's your reaction when one of your privileged identities is harmed vs. one of your marginalized identities?

How do you set a boundary if you're not ready for repair?

How do you create responsive and brave spaces in your community that can offer repair?

In community,

Silvana @ Decolonize Your Practice

instagramfacebookexternal-link

Let's connect!

Liberatory Letters

I help therapists, healers, and space-holders bring decolonial and liberatory values into their work—so you’re not just saying you’re aligned… you’re actually practicing it. ⬆️ More integrity, more connection, more liberation. ⬇️ Less burnout, less performative wokeness, less colonial residue. If you want a practice where marginalized clients feel safe, seen, and honored—and you want to feel more grounded and intentional in your work—subscribe and join a growing community of practitioners doing this work differently. You practice can be liberatory-- let's get you there!

Read more from Liberatory Letters
bronze tone statue or a person sitting and thinking against a wooden wall

Reader, I’ve been reflecting on the fact that my prescheduled emails told you I was in deep rest mode, and now I’m questioning that. I think the news — and the pace and volume of it — really took a toll on me, and I’m still recovering from it. I don’t think I achieved deep rest.That is okay in the sense that this is useful information: more is happening ⇒ systems are escalating ⇒ it’s harder to return to any kind of baseline ⇒ this informs me about what may also be happening for the...

[from the archives] Reader, This is something that keeps coming up in conversations with other clinicians: and it's even more relevant now in 2026... even though i wrote this a while back How do we keep showing up for our clients when we’re moving through so much ourselves? When the world feels like it’s on fire, and we’re holding stories that mirror our own pain? Let’s be real: Being a therapist or healer in a chaotic world (to say the least) often means holding other people’s grief while...

diverse produce in crates in market

You’re receiving this pre-scheduled message while I’m deep in rest-mode (yes, actual rest; yes, again).So if something major is happening in the world right this minute, this email won’t reflect it — but I’m still holding you with care across whatever landscape you’re in. Reader, Some of the people I started following this year — and learning from... They’re not your conventional therapy resources. Far from it. None of them are “therapists” in the Western sense, but they are community...