Reader,

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Let’s talk about the shame that might arise when someone gets feedback. The shame that might arise when I offer it.

Here’s what I want to say:

If I give you feedback, it’s because I care.

It’s because I believe in our shared liberation.

And it’s because I believe you can hold complexity, reflect, and grow.

In decolonial relationships (yes, even professional ones) we don’t pretend learning is always comfortable. We expect discomfort. And we understand that shame might enter the room, but it’s not a reason to stay silent (to make someone comfy).

Because here’s the truth:

I’d rather risk your shame than enable harm through silence.

I’d rather model integrity than collude with oppressive norms that value “niceness” over truth.

Shame is part of the learning zone.

Not the whole zone—but a part of it.

And I trust you enough to not rescue peers from it.

This is what I model for my clients.

This is what I model for the people I mentor.

This is what I model in any space where we’re trying to unlearn colonization and practice liberation.

Feedback is love.

Boundaries are love.

Clarity is care.

And yes, sometimes shame will show up. That’s not failure. That’s friction. And friction can make fire. It can ignite something new.

This work? It’s relational. And relationships don’t grow without repair, reflection, or real conversation.

So if I name something you said or did that’s out of alignment with your values, it’s not to punish. It’s to invite you back into alignment. Back into liberation. Back into the kind of connection that doesn’t require pretending.

Because I don’t want to perform safety with you.

I want to build it—with honesty, trust, and truth.

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🌱 Reflection Prompts for you:

• When I hold back feedback, what am I protecting: my comfort, or the other person’s growth?
• What messages did I receive about being “nice” vs. being truthful?
• What does it mean to trust someone enough to let them feel discomfort?
• How has shame shaped my own learning journey—and who stayed with me through it?
• In what ways does silence -inadvertently- maintain oppressive dynamics in my work or community?

🔥 Hit reply ad share your reflections with me, I want to know what's happening in your world!

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Here's to more caring feedback to be in decolonial relationship with others,

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In community,

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Silvana @ Decolonize Your Practice​

PS. You can read previous Liberatory Letters here.

PPS. Sign up for a 1:1 Decolonial Consultation here before the price goes up in July. Therapists and healers have been using this meeting to process how their decolonial work is pivoting to ground and remain grounded during during these extra uncertain times.

PPPS. If someone forwarded this newsletter to you, you can subscribe here.

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⬆️ Let's connect!