Reader,

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You’re Not a Bad Therapist if You Mess Up*

You’re also not a bad therapist if you microaggress your clients. You’re human—but you’re responsible.

We need to say this out loud:
You will mess up. You will misattune.
And at some point, you will microaggress a client—especially if you hold privileged identities.

Not because you’re cruel. Not because you’re careless.
But because you were trained inside structures that normalize harm and sanitize power.

But here’s the part no one says (but liberation demands):

You’re not a bad therapist when you rupture. You become harmful when you avoid repair.

You are not to blame for this.

You were trained to think in binaries:

• Good therapist vs. bad therapist
• Ally vs. oppressor
• Affirming vs. harmful

And binaries make us freeze.

They trap you in perfectionism.
They make you perform goodness instead of practicing liberation.
They keep you so afraid of messing up that when you do, you panic, collapse, or center your guilt.

And when guilt is in the room, clients lose space to name their hurt.

The real culprit is the system that trained you, really.

Us therapists are conditioned to:

• prioritize being “ethical” over being accountable
• seek “nonjudgmental stance” over naming power
• stay “neutral” instead of being in right relationship
• avoid conflict instead of practicing repair

Most programs teach microaggressions the way they teach fire safety: Don’t do it.

Not:

Here’s what you do when you inevitably will...

Microaggressions aren’t tiny. They’re accumulations.
They’re reminders—daily, constant—that someone’s identity isn’t fully seen, honored, or considered.

So when you microaggress a client, yes:

You messed up. It landed. It hurt. And it matters.

But feeling like a “bad therapist” doesn’t heal anything.
What heals is repair.

Here’s how we do it better—liberation aligned, not perfection aligned.

When you rupture, you have a choice:

(A) Collapse into guilt
​→ which centers your discomfort
→ which makes your client take care of you (seriously)​
​→ which is the opposite of repair

or

(B) Move toward repair from a place of connection and responsibility
​→ which gives your client an empowered chance to name their experience
→ which rarely happens in oppressive systems
→ which is actual liberatory practice

Repair is not about proving you’re one of the “good ones.”
Repair is relational. Repair is political. Repair is how we practice liberation in the room—imperfectly, humanly, together.

Because the goal isn’t to never cause harm.

The goal is to build the kind of therapeutic relationship where clients feel safe enough to tell you when you did.

That is decolonial healing. That’s liberation in practice.

✨ REFLECTION PROMPTS

Use in supervision, journaling, or consultation circles:

1. When was the last time I caused a rupture (big or small)? What made repair hard or uncomfortable for me?
2. Do I move toward repair to soothe the client… or to soothe myself and my fear of “being a bad therapist/healer”?
3. What parts of my training taught me to prioritize being perceived as good rather than being accountable?
4. How do my privileged identities shape the ways I cause harm — and the ways I avoid taking responsibility for it?
5. What would liberatory repair look like in my practice? What skills, community, or support would make that possible?
6. Where am I still operating under perfectionism instead of liberation?
7. What do I need (emotionally, relationally, politically) to stay grounded enough to choose repair?
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✨ PRACTICE: A 10-Minute Liberatory Repair Rehearsal

This is the kind of practice we do inside The Practice of Liberation — not just thinking about liberation, but rehearsing it in the body.

Set a timer for 10 minutes. You only need a notebook and your breath.

STEP 1 — Name the rupture (2 minutes)

Write down a moment — big or small — where you misattuned, missed someone, or caused harm.
Don’t sanitize it. Don’t justify it. Just name what happened.

(If your system floods, pause, breathe, shake your hands out, and re-enter.)

STEP 2 — Separate shame from responsibility (3 minutes)

Create two columns:

• A (“I’m a bad therapist,” “They’ll never trust me,” “I should already know better.”)
• B (“There was impact,” “I can name it,” “Repair is possible.”)

Notice which statements contract your body and which expand it.
Liberatory repair lives in Column B.

STEP 3 — Write a one-sentence repair opener (3 minutes)

Write a sentence you could actually say to a client, colleague, peer, or supervisee that:

• names the impact (without centering your guilt)
• invites the other person back into relational power

Example structures:

• “I noticed I said __, and I imagine it landed in a harmful way.”
• “I want to check in about something I said earlier — I’m concerned it contributed to harm.”
• “I think I missed you in that moment, and I’d like to repair, if you're open to it.”

This practice is not hypothetical. It builds a muscle memory for repair.

STEP 4 — Say it out loud once (2 minutes)

Yes, out loud. Speak your repair sentence slowly.
Notice what happens in your chest, throat, jaw.

If you tremble? Good.
If you breathe deeper? Good.
If you cry? Good.

Repair is a relational practice — your nervous system is part of the work.

STEP 5 — End with a grounding sentence (30 seconds)

Choose the sentence that feels most true:

• “I can repair.”
• “I can stay in relationship even when I mess up.”
• “Liberation is not perfection; it is responsibility.”
• “I am learning to cause less harm and repair more quickly.”

Let your body hear it.

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With liberatory care,

Silvana @ Decolonize Your Practice​

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PS. If this conversation is landing in your body — if you feel the tension of responsibility mixed with relief — this is exactly the kind of work we go deeper into inside The Practice of Liberation. It’s my paid newsletter where I share the deeper, more vulnerable, more politically honest teachings that don’t fit on social media… and where your learning is resourced, held, and supported.
​Join here and, as a thank-you for supporting this work before the end of the year, you’ll receive 30% off a 1:1 consultation session.
​(Regular rate is $240 — with 30% off, your session is $168 when booked before December 20.)

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